Pecan Stilton Crackers + Walks of Shame

Something that happened to me recently:

I was riding my bike home from work, huffing and puffing my Craigslist purchased 1970s in-need-of-major-TLC-Schwinn Cruiser up Nob Hill, when all of a sudden, the front wheel stopped. It just…stopped spinning. And I nearly flew over my handlebars. Into oncoming traffic. When the initial shock and embarrassment wore off, I physically lifted my bike off the road and onto the sidewalk (remember: Front wheel. Not moving.) when a kind Samaritan stopped to help me. (Dear Portland, I love you. Thank you for attracting so many kind people.)

“What happened?!”

“Uh, I don’t know. My bike just…stopped moving.”

“Mind if I take a look?”

“Absolutely – go ahead. I’m not very good with bikes.”

Five second analysis.

“Well, for starters, your front tire is extremely flat.”

“Oh…really?”

“Yes. Completely. Feel it.”

Confirmed. Extremely flat. Re-confirmed. Not very good with bikes.

“Oh…well is anything else wrong that would have made it just stop like that?”

This kind Portland-er did a very fine job describing to me what was wrong with my bike [insert fancy bike lingo here], but I can’t remember a single buzz word. As I mentioned, bikes aren't my thing.

“Looks like you’re in need of a major upgrade. Good luck.”

Truer words have never been spoken, my friend.

So, I proceeded to walk/carry by bike home (the ultimate walk of shame in this town), crank the oven up to 350, and I got to work on something that I am much more comfortable with: butter, pecans, and cheese. Combined and rolled and glazed and sliced and baked and eaten. The ultimate cure for the walk of shame hangover.

Stilton Pecan Crackers

adapted from The Barefoot Contessa

Ingredients:
1 stick butter, softened
8 oz. stilton, crumbled, at room temperature
1+1/2 c. all purpose flour
2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. black pepper
1 extra large egg, beaten with 1 tbsp. water for egg wash
1/2 c. pecans, finely chopped

Instructions:
[I think they could write a movie about me. I'll be played by, oh...I don't know. Say, Amy Adams. And in it, she'll challenge herself to make all of Ina Garten's recipes over the course of a year. I'm thinking its a pretty novel idea. The kind of unique idea that makes millions.]

First, preheat your oven to 350 degrees. If you're me, this happened as soon as you arrived home from your Shameful Bike Tour de Portland.

In a mixer, combine the butter and stilton. Mix together on medium-low speed until smooth, about one minute.

Do you know stilton? It's a British cheese and is similar to bleu cheese. Very sharp in flavor and creamy in texture. I found mine at Trader Joe's, but you should be able to find it at your local grocer. 

Next, add the flour, salt, and pepper and continue to mix on low for about one minute, until the dough forms large crumbles. At this point, add 1 tbsp. of cold water, and mix until the dough comes together.

Dump the dough onto a large, floured board and roll it into a 12-inch long log (it should be about 1 - 1+1/2 inches thick). With a pastry brush, brush the log completely with egg wash. Spread the chopped pecans onto the board and slowly roll the log back and forth into the pecans, until the log is evenly distributed with nuts.

Wrap the log in seran wrap and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes (or up to four days). At this point, you can also freeze the dough. Just defrost it in the refrigerator for a day before you're ready to bake it.

Once cooled, cut the log into 3/8 inch-thick slices and arrange the slices on a sheet pan lined with parchment paper.

Bake for 20-25 minutes, until the crackers are very lightly browned. You may want to rotate the pan 180 degrees once during cooking. Cool, and serve at room temperature.

What's great about this recipe is that it is elegant, savory, and unexpected. It's full of flavor and generates that "wow" factor, yet it's so easy. The stilton and nuts are so flavorful that you'll find that these crackers are satisfying on their own.